A Tragic Goodbye

I said goodbye to my best friend in the whole world tonight.

Flash back to Junior Year of High School, State Debate in the girls bathroom on the second floor. I stood in absolute horror as I stared at the state of my blouse that was covered in mud from the shoes I had carried close to my chest across the grounds after struggling to walk in them across the grass. I was clueless as to what I was to do when Stephanie Stallings came to the rescue and said, “Hey, I have multiple shirts on, do you want to borrow one?”

Four years later and we have had quite a few adventures.

Tonight, we sat in the car and tried to come to terms with the fact that I was leaving and that we would have to say goodbye. The universe seemed to be playing along as applicable song after applicable song came on the radio or a playlist. From Phillip Phillip’s ‘Home’ to Imagine Dragon’s “It’s Time’ we fought the inevitable.

But after we managed to choke out our goodbye’s through mascara tears (waterproof claims proven false) I got in my car and I drove away.

In that moment, the moment after I said goodbye for eighteen months and after I really walked away, I was blanketed with an encompassing comfort of peace and a knowledge that my sacrifices will be worth it.

It is impossible to think that truly, the Lord has a hand in every aspect of our lives, but as I’ve looked back on the past year of mine, I can see a clear pattern that is undeniable. I had planned exactly how my life was going to go, when I was going to go on a mission and I was certain the Lord would play along with my perfect plan. But I was quickly corrected and through everything, through the delays and the date changes, the Lord orchestrated a plan that was based in an eternal perspective, instead of a worldly one.

I still remain firm in the idea that I have no idea why I want to go on a mission, but I’m certain the Lord will make that known to me very soon.

As difficult as it is to comprehend that I enter the MTC tomorrow, after so much waiting, after chasing the mirage on a distant horizon, I am filled with overwhelming peace and comfort. The Lord has me exactly where He wants me, and I’m sacrificing my life to serve Him and His children, and that is going to be difficult. Not just as a sacrifice, but in it’s entirely. I’m going to face obstacles and opposition that I have not planned for. But the Lord is prepared for that.

“If God be for us, who can prevail against us?” (Romans 8:31)

This scripture has been my mantra for the past few days. I’ve been playing it over and over in my mind and I realize that those words are some of the truest I will ever read. And what an amazing idea, that if God is for us, if God supports us, then no one can prevail against us! I am astonished at the clarity, the simplicity of this, and I remain clumsy in my attempt to describe the way I feel. The Lord knows what I need and He knows the way to keep me safe and to keep me comforted. When all else fails, the Lord remains steadfast, and in His light I will remain protected.

For peace reigns in the Lord’s name.